


beats me

by chewhy



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - 1950s, Alternate Universe - Beat Generation, Angst, Artists, Dark subjects, Fluff, Lazy Mornings, M/M, Tags May Change, Writers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-07 13:32:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14082021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chewhy/pseuds/chewhy
Summary: felix as the sun and changbin as the mooninspired by the 1940s/1950s early beat generation(bonus points if you can figure out exactly which book/event this is based off of)





	1. the sun and the moon

**Author's Note:**

> [[warnings (may contain spoilers)](http://smoking,cursing,implied+death/murder)]

Felix wakes up to the sun in his eyes, heating up his hair until he feels like his brain is melting into a puddle and sinking into his pillows where they will return the next night as a series of almost tangible dreams that are a jumble of events in no particular order with absolutely not semblance of coherence. He squints to his side and sees nothing, just a curled up pile of sheets bunched up in the crook between the wall and the bed where numerous crumbs, book pages, and limbs have fallen and gotten stuck prior. He pulls himself up so that he’s sitting and scratches at the back of his neck with a slow yawn that increases into a crescendo of groaning, his arms reaching to the sky as if to emphasize the noise, like a radio antennae pointing up, up, and up to the satellites until static becomes words and words become stories. 

 

As if on cue, somewhere out in the living room the radio turns on and an announcer’s voice comes crackly transmitting over the radio. He’ll talk about stock prices and the weather; it’s all boring rich people stuff but for some reason Changbin finds it important to pay attention to the names that weave itself into the air. 

 

Pulling an oversized pinstripe suit jacket from the floor and over his bare shoulders before exiting the room, Felix finds his predictions to be true as he sees Changbin slumped across the sill of the open window taking lazy puffs from his cigarette, late morning sunlight casting a halo around his messy bedhead. The light reflects off of his stark white shirt hanging over pale thighs, and Felix can’t help but write poetry in his mind comparing him to the moon hanging low behind hazy clouds represented in real life by the smoke that drifts around them from air Changbin blows out. 

 

Instead of serenading Changbin, though, Felix picks up a pen from the top of a stack of books that are piled precariously by his side and scribbles the word “moon” on his arm in between the other stains of ink and paint for safekeeping of his ideas to remember later. With the task done, he approaches Changbin himself, murmuring, “You know you look stupid wearing socks with no pants?”

 

Changbin just grunts using his empty hand to fiddle with the radio more until there’s less static cutting across the announcer’s chirpy words. “There’s coffee in the kitchen if you’d like some.”

 

“I’m good. Just seeing your face makes me wake up in an instant,” Felix declares, falling onto Changbin so that his chest is pressed against Changbin’s back and Felix can see over Changbin’s shoulder and into the street below where cars pass, the size of ants, honking at pedestrians that dart through the streets. 

 

“You cheesy motherfucker,” Changbin grits out, finally letting go of the radio so he can clasp Felix’s hand against his own. They remain there for a few moments, listening to the hustle and bustle of city life below them why they laze their own days away. 

 

“Do you want to go back to the zoo?” Felix mumbles into Changbin’s back. The heat of the sun combined with the hot flashes of air billowing up from the streets is making him sleepy as he snuggles up closer to his partner. “We can see the lions and the hippos. I hear one of the pregnant hippos is supposed to be due any time this week.”

 

“No,” Changbin sighs, exhaling smoke before flicking the ashes off into the streets. “You know I hate seeing them caged up like that. I don’t want to pay any money to support this kind of sick behavior. Locking things up for human’s enjoyment? What kind of sicko does that.”

 

“Who said we would pay?” Felix answers, pulling away so he can turn Changbin around to face himself. “We’ll bring a hammer. Smash all the locks. Or would you rather spend another night in some bar downtown getting drunk and jealous while guys try to hit on me?”

 

Changbin laughs, knocking over a stack of books as he pushes Felix back into their piano with a bang of keys that makes their ears ring with discordant notes. “This is why I hate you and I love you,” he whispers into the little space behind Felix’s ear, his breath smelling of spice and smoke as it tickles the hairs on Felix’s neck. 

 

Throwing his head back until it grazes the top of the piano where sheet music lies scattered around, Felix laughs, “Odi et amo? Who knew you were such an intellectual, quoting Catullus.”

 

“Shut up,” Changbin says, pulling his head back so he can stare into Felix’s eyes.

 

He reaches up a gentle hand to brush the hair out of his face, which turns into a more aggressive, possessive grip when Felix responds, “Make me.”

 

Their faces are inches apart when their apartment door crashes open with a bang and Jeongin crashes in, shotgun in one hand and blood splattered across his face, neck, torso. “Chan hyung is dead.”


	2. many angels and only one devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> about jeongin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: this is a work of fiction based on the beat generation and the dark sides of urban in the 1950s. there will be mentions of darker subjects which are not meant to be imitated nor are they meant to reflect realistic characteristics.
> 
> in case it was not noticed previously, all characters have been aged up. the youngest character is 21. the rest of the age gaps remain the same.

“I really don’t understand what he wants us to do about it,” Changbin asks Felix later that night. They’re settled down on a couple of barstools, keeping a close eye on Jeongin who seems to be trying to drink away his sins. They startle as he crashes atop a chair, but settle back into their seats once they see that he’s still sober enough to right himself without assistance.

 

“And you say that as if I’ll know anything better?” Felix sighs. He’s really not sure how he ended up in this mess, but when he had run away to another country with hopes of being a poet, this hadn’t been what he’d expected. 

 

Changbin shrugs moodily, head hunched into his shoulders. “Where’s the body, then?”

 

“Why don’t you ask Jeongin yourself,” Felix snaps, before sighing once more and pulling Changbin into his arms. “You’re such a baby. Hopefully, it’s floating down the Han river and being washed out to sea. More likely, though, somebody has found it and the police are already investigating.” 

 

Changbin grimaces at the image. He would admit that, out of all of their group, Chan hadn’t been the closest to them but he had still been a reliable editor and advisor when it came to their writing and work. There’s nothing they can do about it now, though. “If anybody asks, we don’t know anything. And if they ask twice, Jeongin was acting in self defense.”

 

“It’s not me you have to convince. It’s Jeongin,” Felix says, nodding over to the boy. Changbin doesn’t bother turning around because he knows what he’ll see. Sly eyes hiding behind a charming grin, the slightest accent that fools everybody into bending over backwards at the whims and mercy of a demon disguised as a child. He knows that not a single one of Jeongin’s drinks have been paid out of the kid’s own wallet, and he knows that Jeongin is on his way to well past drunk. 

 

He knows this because he’s fallen prey to Jeongin and so has Felix and so has Minho who burns himself out in a rehabilitation facility, suffering from love and not depression, and so has Woojin who writes the most beautiful poetry that sits unpublished because the tears staining the manuscripts make them impossible to read, and so has Hyunjin who stands at the same street corner every night, waiting in hopes that Jeongin might be one of his visitors, and so has Jisung who sits like a shell of nothing until Jeongin comes to visit, bringing “gifts” that are really pills of poison, poison that Jisung only takes because it means a visit from the devil who looks like the angel, and so has Seungmin who is ensnared in a world that doesn’t suit his once innocent face, now scarred from unnecessary battles, because he had thought he was protecting when in reality he was the one who had needed protection. 

 

The only crime that Chan committed that was worse than falling in love with Jeongin, was somehow convincing Jeongin to fall back in love with him, too. Changbin can imagine the scene as Felix recounts Jeongin’s interpretation of last night.

 

 

 

_“Do you love me?” Jeongin whispers as he steps one foot forward._

 

_“Yes,” Chan answer back, loud and proud, the widest smile on his face because no moment could be better than this, right here, right now, regardless of the stench from the dumpster beside them and the way Jeongin is cast half in glowing yellow light from the lamp posts and half in shadow from the dark, brick, factory buildings that stretch above them on either side._

 

_“I love you, Chan. Do you love me?” Jeongin asks again, another step forward._

 

_“Yes.”_

 

_“Do you love me?” Another step._

 

_“Yes.”_

 

_“You promise you love me?” With each step, Jeongin is cast more in shadow, his figure growing darker until Chan strains to see his outline in the darkness._

 

_“I promise.”_

 

_“I love you.” Another step._

 

_“I know.”_

 

_“Say you love me.” They’re so close now that their noses are touching, breath mingling with one another’s._

 

_“I love you.” Jeongin is fully cast in shadow now, and the only glint of light Chan notices is the stars reflected in his irises._

 

_Chan feels it first before he sees it, blunt and cold against his stomach. “Do you love me enough to die for me?”_

 

_Chan looks down and sees steel, glinting silver. He’s reminded of the eyes that he had been looking at just one moment before looking back up to find those stars one last time. “Yes.”_

 

_“Don’t lie to me,” Jeongin says. “Bang,” Jeongin says._

 

 

 

As if on cue, there’s another crash as Jeongin falls into somebody’s lap this time, giggling like mad. It’s an awful sight, and in this moment Changbin isn’t sure if he hates Jeongin or Chan more for causing this entire mess when he could easily be cuddling away with Felix in their apartment, a glass of cheap wine in their hands, moonlight falling in through the window and lighting up the amber glow of Felix’s hair. Changbin reaches over the side of the bar to grab a napkin and digs a hand into Felix’s pocket to pull out a pen and begins a sketch of Felix asleep, hair cascading around his face, lit by the moonlight. 

 

When he’s done, he crumples it up and walks out of the bar, tired of babysitting Jeongin and ready to move on with their lives. He doesn’t look back so he misses Felix stooping over to pick up the napkin, smoothing out the wrinkles before he tucks it into his shirt pocket. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol i made another moodboard for this chapter too, catch it on [twitter](https://twitter.com/2jaepg/status/978736877548265472)


	3. and so the sun stays and the moon turns its back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so what happens next?
> 
> that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was supposed to be a cute one-shot and suddenly it's three chapters but hey i finally finished a chaptered fic on this website! yay! comments and kudos much appreciated <3
> 
> also i made... a third moodboard... for this chapter lol. check it out on [tumblr](http://busanjeongin.tumblr.com/post/172365410455/beats-me-a-stray-kids-beat-generation-fic) or [twitter](https://twitter.com/2jaepg/status/979199044110069761)

They asked twice, and they took Felix away from him because self-defense and then hiding the body still meant murder. 

 

“An accomplice to murder” is what’s written on his papers.

 

Changbin is lucky. He has a family who cares. Not about him, and not about his friends, but about their reputation so he gets bailed out, he gets a lawyer, and he gets away.

 

Felix isn’t lucky.

 

“I wrote you an essay, while you were away,” Felix whispers through the holes in the glass.

 

“They give you paper?” Changbin asks, voice equally quiet. 

 

Felix smiles, shakes his head slightly. “No. I memorized it for you.”

 

“Oh. Tell it to me,” Changbin says, leaning ever so much closer to the glass, until his nose is almost touching it, and his fingers are hovering mere millimeters above it. How he wishes to reach across it and grab Felix into his embrace, grab his hair and move their heads together until lips meet and they’re sprawled across the floor together like they were back in their apartment nearly every day. But instead, they’re in this harshly lit dungeon, cement visible on the floor with not even tile to cover it, cinder blocks stacked up, up, up and a glass sheet stretching across from one wall to the other. 

 

So Changbin listens to Felix tell of the moon in the sky, of wanting to reach for it and pluck it out, of feeling like a morning tide being pulled in and out by the momentum and weight of this shining object in the heavens. And as Changbin listens, he realizes that oh, the moon is himself and this is the essay. 

 

After a few beats of silence, Felix asks Changbin, “Well, what did you think?” and he realizes that that’s the end.

 

“I think,” Changbin pauses, building up the silence that surrounds their little bubble, none of the conversations and shouts and stomps around them able to even prick the smallest hole in the air that balloons around them. “I think that you are my sun.”

 

_I think that I would wither without you._

**Author's Note:**

> i made a mood board for this fic and I would love if y'all checked it out [[here!](http://busanjeongin.tumblr.com/tagged/moodboard)]
> 
> scream at me about stray kids on [[twitter](https://twitter.com/2jaepg)] and [[tumblr](http://busanjeongin.tumblr.com/)]  
> !  
>  
> 
> [Buy Me a Coffee!](https://ko-fi.com/R6R27QMR)


End file.
